So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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