so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
