drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
