idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
