What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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