I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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