can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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