god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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