Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
