Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Randomize
