But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
