My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
