no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
