Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
