Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize