You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
