He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
