i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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