Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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