your parents love me but you hate me
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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