this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
