All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
