the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
is wine microwaveable?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Sext me about skeletons
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
