I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
