fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
i need some magic done to my vagina
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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