This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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