i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
