Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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