we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
