mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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