Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
