so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
