I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
