i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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