Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
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I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
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Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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