I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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