turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
