I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
