Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
