She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
