why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
my shit smells like andre
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
dude. I can hear the air.
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