I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Randomize
