Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
