I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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