They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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