that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you win again, gameday.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
