First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
