I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Randomize
