I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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