dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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