I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
