Do you still have your period?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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