then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
