3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
two words...techno handjob
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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