dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I wish I only lived at night.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
