And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
jump out the window naked night went bad
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
