what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Randomize
