Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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