Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
