Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
