Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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