And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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