if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
