she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
