just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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